A blog of sub-mediocre writing and thoughts .

Female. 18.

You don't ask people with knives in their stomachs what would make them happy; happiness is no longer the point. It's all about survival; it's all about whether you pull the knife out and bleed to death or keep it in...
Nick Hornby
Anonymous asked: Please help me I am so numb And I used to sing so much and I used to like it quite a bit and I was good. Like really good. And I just don't find joy in it anymore. I'm laying here on my bed, wishing I could miss someone just to have an excuse to feel this numb. And I'm not eating enough, I don't think, but I'm so full all the time. And I used to be really bad and I used to cut and drink and smoke but after a hospital visit I was ok. And now I think this is what a relapse is like. I'm dying. Help

We all have days or weeks or months or even years that we fall into a seemingly unmanageable depression. And believe me, I have been where you are right now, wishing for something that would make me feel like my overwhelming numbness was viable or some kind of logical reason for being so miserable. But sometimes there is a reason and sometimes there isn’t. Depression is a flaw in chemistry not character, and I know that it is hard and I know that it seems hopeless, but it’s not.

There will be good days. There will be days when you can eat without feeling disgusted and there will be days when the mirror doesn’t matter and there will be days when smiles come easier. And there will also be days when you skin is itching to be torn open and your stomach is begging for the burn of alcohol. You need to look past the bad days and remember that no matter how bad you feel, there will be good days.

And I know that this may sound like a spoonful of bullshit that I am trying to feed you, but it’s not. Take it from someone who has been clinically depressed since the age of 9, there are good days that make your existence worth pursuing. Relapses do not make you any less strong or any less amazing for dealing with the struggles that come with depression. It is an everyday battle that rarely offers a reward except for when you are 80 and looking back at all the years and all of the precious moments you allowed yourself to experience despite the war going on in your head. I promise you that you will be okay at some point. Please just wait for that point.

There is no magic cure, no making it all go away forever. There are only small steps upwards; all you have to do is find the strength to climb. And I know you have that strength, so please help yourself get out if this shell-like cage you are in and please feel free to talk to me on any day, whether it’s a good one or a bad one. I hope you find a good day soon; take care lovely x

Anonymous asked: you look like Emily from Tim burtons' "a corpse bride" You're absolutely beautiful

Oh wow haha thank you I’ve never heard that one before!



(Source: papercuts)

Anonymous asked: Please help. I was with this guy and he was literally the best thing that happened to me , he treated me like a queen and I guess I got used to all the attention. We were together for two months.When we broke up,for ages after we were still together,like seeing eachother and even when that broke off we were best friends with a lot of history.He's now semi with another girl and I'm semi with another guy but I miss him like fuck, I don't think he misses me though and it kills me. Help me please😩

You have to remember that there was a reason you two broke up. It could have been something that either of you did or it could have been a lack of compatibility, but regardless, you broke up for a reason and whenever you feel yourself missing him you need to remember that reason. It’s ok to miss him and it’s ok to hurt, but you need to allow yourself to move on and find that relationship that is as close to perfect as you can get. You deserve to find that and you have to realize that lots of guys will treat you like that and some even better.Treating you like you are his world is not an added perk of this one guy, it’s how everyone should be.

And believe me, I know it’s hard to think you will find someone as good as him and its hard to give yourself to someone else when you are carrying around this nostalgia for another person, but you have to remember that he was not it for you. You can never love someone as much as you can miss them, but nostalgia is a liar that makes things seem better than they actually were. Let yourself move on and find someone that doesn’t make you miss them. 

 The End.

The End.

(Source: papercuts)

Anonymous asked: Help please? Cant find the right words to express this. A guy liked me and I liked him but I wasnt ready for a relationship but 2 months ago he died and I regret never going for it. Im beyond heartbroken and feel very lost without him.

Oh my god I am so sorry to hear that and I cannot even imagine how awful that must feel. Sometimes our timing is just off and while you never got the chance to be in a relationship with him, I hope you can still cherish the time you had together. Life just sucks sometimes without any plausible reason and I sincerely wish you would have gotten more time to be with him and explore a potential relationship, but you can’t live only wondering what could’ve been. I know it hurts because there was so much to say and do and his time was cut short, but you have to trust that he knew how you felt. Life is very short but that doesn’t mean you have to rush into anything before you are ready, and I hope you can find the strength to move on despite losing a chance to have something. You will get other chances and some will work out and some won’t, but hopefully you get enough time to figure it out. I am so sorry and I hope you are okay, or that you can be in time.

haggard19 asked: If someone gave you a scenario about their life could you write something about it? Or does it have to be your own inspiration and thought process?

Normally I write from my own experiences, but I’ve written some things for my friend after talking to her and understanding how she felt. Id be willing to give it a shot if you want, but I can’t promise it’ll be anything spectacular!

Anonymous asked: What app do you use, please don't mind my asking it's just I wanna start making these

I don’t mind at all, I actually don’t use an app tho I just write them in word and take a screenshot.



(Source: papercuts)

Anonymous asked: "i glorified my shower for muffling my tears while my blood poured down its drain but when splitting my skin open stop freeing the evil i began longing for drugs and alcohol to became my protective blanket during the night" how dumb is this?

I don’t think this is dumb in the slightest. As far as I am concerned, nothing anyone writes is ever dumb. It can be poorly written or grammatically incorrect or anything else, but not dumb. Your feelings, no matter how good or bad, are never dumb. They are real, and if being real is dumb then I hope I live in ignorance for the rest of my life. 

Besides that, I think this is a beautiful piece that I can personally connect with. I would suggest a slight rewording, though:

"I glorified my shower for muffling my tears while blood poured down the drain. But when splitting my skin open no longer freed the evil in my veins, I turned to drugs and alcohol as my security blanket that kept me warm on the nights where the air was as cold as my heart."

Just a suggestion, not that I didn’t love the original piece as is. Do with that what you will, and feel free to send me anything else that comes to mind. Thank you for sharing this with me, and promise you won’t ever call your writing dumb again because it is the furthest thing from it!! 

Anonymous asked: Here's the poem I'd like your opinion on.. "Sometimes" Sometimes~ your innocence is lost in lust and depravity drapes as shadows and dust. Sometimes~ your faith rots in shallow graves and the stench of destruction corrodes your veins. Sometimes~ the emptiness survives and tear-stained memories never seen to die. And yet, Sometimes~ you learn to start over and what you perceived as eternity was never really forever.

Wow honestly this is amazing, you have a truly mesmerizing voice. The only thing I would say is there is a typo-I assume seen was supposed to be seem. But other than that I think this is a wonderful piece of writing that you should share with others. Thank you so much for sharing it with me!!

Anonymous asked: Do you mind if I send you one of my poems? I'd love to get your opinion on it!

Absolutely, I’d love to read it!!

Anonymous asked: hey, how do I know you have beautiful thoughts and an incredible mind I think you know how to give good advice, I'm right?

Thank you that’s very sweet, idk tho I suppose I’m good at giving advice. But regardless you can always talk to me if you need to, I would love to help in any way I can.

The correct way to deal with ignorant misogyny.

  • Ignorant misogynists: if women can do everything men can do, then why is it they haven't successfully oppressed an entire gender for thousands of years?
  • Me:
  • Me:
  • Me:
  • Me: Women can get pregnant from another woman's bone marrow and when science renders men unnecessary we'll see who's oppressed.
 You let go.

You let go.

(Source: papercuts)